First period again

Today I got my period for the first time in over two years.

I cried.

I'll never have another child, and with every period I will be reminded that this was a possible child that I will never meet and kiss and raise and cherish and love.

As hard as it is right now to have two little children, I look at my little baby girl and her smile just melts me away. I see my boy running asking "mama, catch me" and my heart hurts from the amount of love I feel.

I've made two beautiful amazing beings.

That's right. My body grew these babies that are becoming children that will become people. They came out of my body and then I fed them from my body. It's incredible really when you stop and look at this miracle, this gift of motherhood.

And now I feel myself going through the cycles of hormones and ovulation and menstruation and I remember the pregnancy hormones, the nausea, the labour pains... Which I will never go though again...

I'm coming back to the person I used to be pre-babies, but now I've got kids and a husband and a body that's been through a lot. It's scary.

Now it's truly is up to me. The pregnancy fog is lifting and all that I want to be and do is my responsability.

It's a new chapter.