Monday, December 15, 2008

What makes a good relationship?

I was sitting on the bus from Seoul to Geojin, and I started thinking about my parents, about myself, about how people relate, what makes a good relationship, whether between friends or lovers or boyfriend/girlfriend or husband and wife...

So far, there are 3 points that I find very important:


Being Nonjudgmental

as in...

No one is perfect, and if a mistake is made in the relationship that affects both partners, then there should be no blame put on any one person. There has to be support, and not judgment like oh, you chose this and now we are in trouble because of that. The decisions have to be made together so that situations like that don't arise.


Give advice that is in the best interest of the person receiving that advice.

Meaning, give advice that is meant for the other persons situation, character, personality, habits... all that. Not give advice that you'd think would work for you, because that might not work for the other person, and might actually be the wrong advice. So in order to do this, the two people have to really know each other.


Accept each other they way they are, with their strengths and weaknesses.

Accepting is not necessarily liking, but it's accepting.

To accept means you love the other person the way they are, and with the things you don't like, you have to figure out a way to deal with them in a constructive way. Otherwise, if you just ignore them, they will become a much bigger problem down the road, and by then you won't even be able to tell what you don't like about a person. It'll just be a general feeling of dislike, maybe even hatred.

So, I think these are very important in order to have a good relationship. I don't think this is just for dealing with situations as they come up, but as a general approach to relating with a partner.

I always look at those old couples that are smiling at each other, and still love each other and are still happy together, there must be something there... I wonder how they do it.

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