Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I think being honest to yourself is the most difficult thing you can do.
It's painful and most of the time avoidable.
But in the end, it is needed. It helps you to grow, to learn and to lead a better life.


I have made another budget for myself. My last one got lost when my little memory stick broke. Well, this one is really good, and it makes me feel better about my situation when I look at the value of my Debt decreasing and then the value of my Savings increasing. It's nice to have a reminder to look at, something concrete to look forward to and to see why you are fighting and sacrificing.

It's good to remember.

Monday, April 19, 2010


It's hard to see the purpose of my life at the moment. I know what I'm doing is going to be worth it in the end, but right now it all feels so pointless and bleak.

Everything has become boring and incredibly uninteresting.

It's difficult to find motivation to do anything.

It's difficult to get excited about anything.

There's no connection with people of interest. There are no people around, with whom I would care to really open up to and be real with.

Everything feels fake and shallow.

I'm listening to this song sung by a 7 year old girl. I'm not religious at all, but this song... Amazing Grace, the way she's singing it, it's really moving.

I find there have been very few people in my life I've been able to be truthful with, and really say what's on my mind openly, without the constant worry of being judged or thought of something I'm not. I try so hard to smooth things over that a lot of my opinions and desires are never expressed. That's pretty messed up.

I was watching this British TV show called "Shameless". It's a bunch of people in a dysfunctional family trying to live their life. I'm not saying it's real, or that people are like that, but I do envy their ability to just say what's on their mind. To speak up if they think something is not right, to yell if need be, to argue if things don't change. To do all that even if it hurts others.

Things have gotten so stale in my life. I need to do more things to challenge myself and break this monotonous existence.

All is needed for all is a bit of courage.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Thanks dad

Thank you for the good conversation we had yesterday.

Even though I know what I want out of my life and sort of have an idea of the direction and the how-to, but it's easy to forget, feel lost and lonely on this road. It's good to remember why I'm doing what I'm doing. It's good to look at the big picture and not stress the little things.

It makes it easier to enjoy the day to day things and it also makes it easier not to take things personal when they don't work out, because I know what I want and where I want to get in the end.

It gives me peace of mind.

Thank you for reminding me :)