Monday, April 19, 2010


It's hard to see the purpose of my life at the moment. I know what I'm doing is going to be worth it in the end, but right now it all feels so pointless and bleak.

Everything has become boring and incredibly uninteresting.

It's difficult to find motivation to do anything.

It's difficult to get excited about anything.

There's no connection with people of interest. There are no people around, with whom I would care to really open up to and be real with.

Everything feels fake and shallow.

I'm listening to this song sung by a 7 year old girl. I'm not religious at all, but this song... Amazing Grace, the way she's singing it, it's really moving.

I find there have been very few people in my life I've been able to be truthful with, and really say what's on my mind openly, without the constant worry of being judged or thought of something I'm not. I try so hard to smooth things over that a lot of my opinions and desires are never expressed. That's pretty messed up.

I was watching this British TV show called "Shameless". It's a bunch of people in a dysfunctional family trying to live their life. I'm not saying it's real, or that people are like that, but I do envy their ability to just say what's on their mind. To speak up if they think something is not right, to yell if need be, to argue if things don't change. To do all that even if it hurts others.

Things have gotten so stale in my life. I need to do more things to challenge myself and break this monotonous existence.

All is needed for all is a bit of courage.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


What about your family and your friends? Nothing to talk about? No common things?
Is it not that you are at an age where you NEED a partner, a family of your own?