Bounce

I've bounced back.

When I get back from any vacation I seem to have a few weeks of feeling crappy. Maybe because I'm leaving a wonderful place. Maybe because I'm going back to a place I'd rather not be in. Maybe it's both. Probably it's both.

In any case.

I've bounced back.

I've started working out.

I've gotten back to cleaning my apartment.

Next I've got to get back into cooking.

I just have to learn to get through these emotional and mental ups and downs, and keep going, because things always work out in the end.

Illusions

I think people are attracted to people who are happy, or can easily fake happiness.

How can you fake happiness you ask?

Fake it. People are loud, exaggerate, behave over-the-top.

But faking it doesn't take you far, because people always see through it in the end.

Or, like me, just don't interact with people. Be quiet, retreated, introverted.

I know that's not me. It's just a coping mechanism.

When I'm in a different place (not in Korea), I'm incredibly outgoing and friendly and HAPPY!

Why am I happy there and not here? What about this place makes me unhappy.

I don't think I like being in a place for such a long time. Especially not having people around to hang out with.

It's been over 3.5 years now. And I'll be here another year. Hopefully my last year.

I hope I get out of this head space soon...

Who are you?

I think part of being happy is accepting who you are.

Knowing who you are.

Knowing there are things about yourself that you just can't change.

Know that there are some things you can change.

What is Happiness?

I just realized that I'm not happy.

It's an amazing realization. I always love figuring out why I feel the way I feel.

The times when I'm happy is when I leave Korea and go travel. When I meet people, enjoy the warm sun and eat food that is not Korean.

The rest of the time I cope, I manage. Here, the little things make a difference from day to day.

I think I knew this, but not very consciously.

But now I get it. I don't belong here. I've been here for way too long. This has to be the last year here.

Even if my plans after this year don't work out, I'll have to get out.

I'm too young to be bitter and miserable. Seriously!!

Early next year I'll have finished paying off all my debt and I won't have this burden and responsibility weighing me down. I can afford to take off some time and go somewhere and do something that I truly enjoy.

I think I need a long vacation.

I've done a lot of work on myself here, and I've grown and found out a lot of things.

But, I need to do more and I feel held back here. The usefulness of the situation is gone. I need to be somewhere else so I can keep growing.

People

After being in Thailand, and actually, after repeated traveling and meeting a variety of people with whom I've been able to develop over a pretty short time a really good connection, it's REALLY difficult to interact with people here in my region. I don't share anything with them, I can see right through their fake attitudes and exaggeration and showing off to impress mannerism. There was one person like that on my CELTA course and I just steered clear of her. I didn't feel the need or obligation to interact with her. Why is it here in Korea, in Geojin/Sokcho, that I have to interact and deal with people that I REALLY don't want anything to do with.

I can't stand people who are two faced. AH!