Saturday, July 28, 2007

Subway thoughts

The reality of it hit me today. I don't belong here, and it's a wonderful thing. I am so different and I like that. I don't want to make a life here, just money and experience. I miss Germany most of all places with all it's order. Today in a long time I felt really Canadian and realised that that's where I belong. I am a hippie at heart and Canada is where my home base is. Romania and Europe are part of me but I could never live there. I am too different and would not be able to fit in into that society. It's amazing what you can observe. I am so lucky to be put in such a different place and be forced to observe myself and analyse what makes who I am. This is what life should be about, experience and learning. Not only about the world but also about ourselves, or else everything that we are exposed to is wasted if we don't grow from it. Now when I get all those stares I know it's not because there's something wrong but because I'm different and that's a beautiful thing to realise, accept and be happy about. I guess this head cold I have right now is making me see things differently and more clearly. Oh wow I'm melting!!!


Here I am, sweat dripping down my back, riding in the subway for more than an hour, drunk men to my left and right sleeping and leaning on me, heads bopping like they were listening to music. And I look around and see where I am. I am close to that 6 month target, where every foreigner realises where they are, the reality of their situation. From there, there are two directions one can go in... one: Oh my God!! What am I doing here?! I want to go back home and never come back!!! and two: Oh wow, this is amazing, I can't believe I'm actually getting paid to have this experience!!! Well, for me, I'm missing normality as I know it, I'm missing order, am missing the familiar, but at the same time I am really grateful of this opportunity because I have learned and grown so much from what I have done so far.

But, the 6 month mark isn't here yet so let's see what happens :).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

homo erectus and homo sapiens (standing man and thinking man). These are the 2 stages of man's development from the ape (according to man!).
I would say that still, most of us are in the "homo erectus" stage, where we don't see but satisfying our 5 senses only. It is a big leap forward to cool down, step back and ask the most stupid and wonderful question: Hey, who the hell am I?