Saturday, July 6, 2013

Personal Thoughts and Reflections

I've got 37 days left here.

It's not really going very fast, not going slowly either. It's just steadily going.

My packing and clearing up clutter has slowed down significantly. My apartment still looks well lived in and homey. Messy, but still homey.

What I have noticed happening more and more now is personal reflection. I do a lot of personal reflection and analysis anyways, but more so now. 

So many things are changing now, and so many more things will be changing very soon.

I'm randomly feeling anxious and unsure of my choices and my future.

I don't know if I've made my choices for the right reasons or only to avoid difficulty and struggle.

I don't know if I'll be challenged enough, fulfilled enough or growing enough.

But I do know, luckily, that my options and opportunities are many and varied. 

I just have to have courage and actually work hard for a change for the things I want. 

That's the difficult thing. 

I've had things come so easily, for so long, and if they didn't come, I just accepted it and found a way around them. 

But working hard for something was rarely a choice that I made. Things just happened.

And that scares me. 

I'm leaving the safety, ease and stability of this place and an exciting unknown future lies ahead. 

I don't want to be a passive participant in my life anymore. 

I want to make choices, good and bad, work hard for my dreams, struggle and sweat, and in the end, feel accomplished and fulfilled that I've put it some effort into shaping my life.

And so...

I hope I've learned enough of myself and things in general to help me make the right decisions when they matter. 

I hope I've acquired good values and a strong character to be a good person and stay true to myself.

Even though there are some things I am not happy about myself, I hope I will continue to work on them and make myself into the person I want to be.

I know this change is the right thing and is happening at the right time.

I also know that what I'm feeling is normal.

I'm just trying to work through it and stay positive.

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