Spring is here

Well, spring has finally come. The first rains have fallen, the first flu of the year is here as well. Am being good though, taking multivitamins, taking fish oil pills, taking vitamin C, drinking lots of water, eating lots of healthy salad. I started Yoga as well, but have been so tired lately that I haven't been going consistently.

A year has passed already since I've been here and yesterday I had a strange feeling of being at home in this environment. People weren't staring at me, kids weren't scared of me, old people didn't try to talk to me about their son or daughter that lives in BC and speaks good at English. No, it was just a regular subway ride, with rushing to get a seat, with changing lines, with listening to music and taking naps here and there.

I feel strangely grown up. Not at all like I thought I would be like at this age. I find I'm interested in travelling again, now that it's not so terribly cold and gray outside. I still am unsure of what I'll be doing next, but I'm not worried, I always figure it out and go the right way.

I am happy and grateful to have Ryan in my life right now. I have learned so much from him, about myself, about him, about life, about sharing with someone else. It's a beautiful time in my life and there are just no words to describe this wonderful experience.

It's a new year, and even though I'm still in the same place, I see it all through different eyes. It's all so wonderful :).

I feel alive

Well, after a long time of not doing much, I've finally gotten the energy and drive to get off my ass and do something. On Sunday I woke up, waited around a little bit and then decided to head out. I didn't particularly have any idea where I wanted to go, so I looked in my Seoul guide book and it opened at the spot with the COEX Aquarium. Well, that was perfect. I got on the subway, went there, walked around the huuuuuge mall for about 1 hour until I finally found the Aquarium. It was pretty small, full of screaming kids, but it was still amazing. I saw many different species of shark, mantises, sea horses, and loads of very colourful corals and small fish. It was really really nice. After that I went to a play called "The complete works of William Shakespeare abridged". It was a comedy about all his 37 plays done in 90 minutes. It was OK, but I find they kind of dumbed it down for the Korean understanding and knowledge of slang and western humour. It was still fun to get out and do something like that. Today (Tuesday), I joined a Yoga class. It's free, it's in the building right next to mine, and the ladies there are all super cute. One lady, who spoke pretty well English started talking to me and helped me out with the registration and was explaining to me about the Aerobics class I also want to join. I feel good being out and about interacting with the people around me. On Saturdays there's a cooking class at the nearby Women's Recreation Centre that I'm also going to join. I am so glad there are so many things around me that I can participate in. I finally feel confident and comfortable enough to really immerse myself in all that is around me :).

Technology

Well, what a wonderful way to connect with family that is far far away. I just spent about 3 hours talking to my sister, my mum, my dad, my aunt, my gramma and my cousin, online, almost all at once. We used video and audio to. It was amazing, I was a bit shy and kind of taken by surprise at how amazing it actually is. This kind of stuff was only a thing for science fiction movies, where you would call someone and you could see them live on the other side. Well, here I did it and it was free too. Not the best sound and video quality, but well, it's gonna get better. It was nice to talk to them, even though we didn't really have many new things to share and talk about, but it was just nice to talk to them and see that they still remember you and care about you and remember things that happened a long time ago. I hope I can visit them in Europe this year.

Growing some more

Oh, I want to say what I am feeling right now, I want to write something that will show what I'm thinking, but it's just not coming out. All I can do is wait and see and not rush things. When it's time to act and make a decision I will. But until then, I have to be content with what I have. I find myself restless and looking for change. I wish I would have more courage and be more assertive.

Confused

I feel at a crossroads again. The prospect of staying in the same place another year doesn't appeal to me anymore. But at the same time I'm torn as to what to do. I am realizing more and more that things can change at any time, when I choose I can just do something different. I feel afraid of change all of a sudden. The comfort and easy in which I'm living in right now is making me lazy and not wanting to do anything about it. I guess if I knew my contract would end in a couple of months I would be feeling that rush of things changing and moving and having to pack and plan to where I need to go next, but now, since I resigned at the same place, I find I'm loosing the energy to keep doing what I've been doing so far. What if I go somewhere else and I'll feel just the same, looking outside of myself for the answer to my happiness.

What I want

I can see it clearer and clearer. I want to be in the country side. I want a little farm, with some pigs and a cow and chickens and a little patch of land where I can grow my vegetables and all that I need to live. I want to live a natural life where I can work for myself, where I can see my labour flourish into nice carrots and onions and lettuce and beans and tomatoes and fat plump chickens and yummy eggs and fresh milk and home made sausages and roast pork. I want the smell, I want the dirt, I want the simple life.

Moment

I had a great moment this morning. It was bright and crispy outside. I was just standing there looking out the window and on the lamp post across the street a white dove landed. It stayed there for about a minute and turned around and was looking in my direction. I stared right at it and I felt like the bird was staring right back at me. This beautiful white bird. It reminded me of a dream my dad had about a crow only here there was a peaceful benevolent feeling.

Different person

I never imagined being where I am, and being how I am right now. I have changed so much, in appearance, mentality, life goals, ideology... And it hasn't even been a year since I've gone away, but being able to change environments so drastically has allowed me to really grow and develop without much influence from the outside. It's all worth it, I wish more people would take the time to get to know themselves more in depth.

I'm only 25, and still have so much more time.

Wonderful day

I woke up this morning to a nice cuddling session, went to work slightly late because it's Friday and it doesn't matter much. Cooked with the kids and played games all morning. Had a good lunch and long break, filled with some more awesome and yummy cuddling. Had a good rest of the day at work, with lots of kids enjoying their classes. And then, I got paid :). Came back home, watched a little of this movie I had ordered on EBay that finally arrived today, then, after some suuper nice cuddling, Ryan and me went and treated ourselves to some nice BBQ at our favourite beef place across the street. We ate, drank and talked for a couple of hours. Then came back, I found a nice full length mirror downstairs where the furniture store throws out things they don't need, bought some delicious ice-cream and went up. Now I'm listening to this awesome album by John Lennon and Yoko Ono.

What a super nice day :D.

One more year

So, after a lot of thinking and planing and looking at options, I've decided to stay another year with the same school. It will all be just a lot easier now because I've already figured the system out, have all the materials for school, my apartment is all set and looks nice, no use going anywhere else right now and staring everything all over again. So yes, I've decided to stay. This means I'll be here until March 2009. I thought about going to Canada to visit for a week (that's the most I would have off), but it's not time for it yet. I feel free here, my life all in front of me, doing what I need to do to figure out what I should be doing with it, where I should go. It's scary at times. I realised this is the first time I have been away for so long from my parents. The longest time I've been away before was 7 months when I went to England. Next week it'll be 10 months. Wow, so now I've got 14 more months to go until I can leave. Who knows what will happen though, maybe I'll stay again another year after that.

I cut up my credit card the other day. I realised it's idea of a safety net was absolutely false. I get paid, I have money, why have a credit card that obviously will be used regardless of my finances. So, it's gone. Now I buy groceries and cook at home, send my money away and keep my savings. My sister knows how to do it right.