Internship

YAAAAY!! I got accepted to the full season farming internship in Canada at Everdale Farm. YAAAY!!! 

I'm so excited! I knew I'd be accepted, but I still had some doubts. I hadn't heard from them for a while, but after checking in with them, they let me know pretty quickly that yes, I got in. 

So now, my plans are in motion, working out, on their way... all that wonderful stuff!

Before I start the farming course, I need to do a Permaculture Design Course (PDC).

I want the foundation of my farming to be permaculture, so I need to do the PDC before the farming course.

I've got February and March to do that, so YAY!!!

Gratitude!! 

Reflections

I've been going through a lot of personal reflection lately.

First family and roots. 

Then a personal challenge. 

Now friends and exploration. 

It's like a therapy recipe. 

I've written a lot down as well, to clarify it and also make it concrete. 

I'm glad it doesn't sound like crap when reading again the next morning though. 

But everything that has happened has been for a reason, and there's been a lesson in everything. 

Just like on the Camino. 

I'm glad I learned this lesson. 

My Birthday and other lessons

Ok, another day, another regular day. I don’t see what the big deal is. It means nothing, it really doesn’t. I used to secretly like the attention, but now, no, I actually don’t even secretly want the attention anymore. Really! Last year, yea, it was a bit different for me. I turned 30 last year. And yes, we are talking about my birthday. 

Today I’m turning 31. And I feel a lot of pressure from people to celebrate it. 
To make a big deal about it. 

It’s not a big deal. It’s just another day. I don’t really count my years, my months, my days, my hours… I don’t have a watch. I don’t have a schedule. My phone didn’t work for almost 2 months. I didn’t even know what day it was half of the time. I do know what month it is, though lately that’s gotten a bit unimportant as well. All this is just a fabricated idea of dividing your time up. 

Why would I want to do that? It’s not very natural to me. I find I live better and think better when I have fluidity and fewer restrictions.

Travelling has given me that, fluidity and fewer restrictions.

That’s why I’ve learned so much about myself in these 3 months.

I’m a really strong person. I have determination. I didn’t even realize that before.

For almost 7 years I did a 9-5 teaching job. Completely restricted, especially in such a controlled social environment as Korea, the South, not the North. I could really feel myself fading in the last couple of years. 

I know it was bad for me, but I had to keep going. I had to pay off my student debt. I couldn’t really start my life and live it the way I wanted to, with no restrictions, if I had 300-500 dollars to pay every month for the next 10 years. I would have had to get a job, buckle down, and pay that shit off. 

No travelling, no expanding of my mind and understanding of the world and the people in it, no learning of the diversity of possible ways to live my life, no growing beyond my conditioning as a child, no realizing what kind of living style I need to stay healthy and be satisfied in life, no discovering farming (permaculture) as a real option in my life, no discovery of my life dream and goal of being in or starting an off-grid/selfsustaining/selfsufficient/natural building/artsy teaching eco-community. None of that, and more.

I’m a strong and determined woman. I forgot that.

I’m so grateful for my chance to learn and to live the way I want to.

I am grateful for the people I know, the great friends I’ve been so fortunate to meet, the incredible places I’ve been able to travel to, the wonderful lessons I’ve had the opportunity to learn and the unconventional dreams I have been free and able to nurture.

Thank you!

Emotional

I cried 6 times on this trip.

The first time when I was phisically and mentally done for the day, then realised I had to walk 5km more to the next town where there was an albergue.

The second time when I got to the to of "Monte do Gozo - The Mountain of Joy", because it was the last climb before Santiago.

The third time when I got to the cathedral, and passed by a person playing the bag pipes, I was tired and sore and wet and cold, and just flew the last 4.7km through the city, and there was the cathedral, the end of my journey.

The 4th time was when I got my Compostella, the old latin document that states you walked the entire way. The recognition of my achievement, like a diploma of personal growth.

The 5th time was the next day at noon, at the pilgrims mass, when the nun was leading the singing, and the packed church was singing along. The priest was addressing the pilgrims and talking about their, our, journey.

The last time when I left from Finisterre, left Maria there on the side of the hill, and now was going back for 1 more day in Santiago with Genie. Then I saw a Camino sign pointing to the path and I just couldn't hold it it.

What an accomplishment, what a wonderful feeling to be done. I am so proud of myself. I am a pilgrim. I am proud of myself. I have done what so many have not been able to do. I am very proud of myself!!

The Camino Teachings

I've learned:

- to let go of things that happened in the past

- to not rely on technology

- how rude it is to be on the phone when together with others

- that when faced with a seemingly impossible task, to just break it down into small managable parts and then everything is doable

- to really appreciate the little things

- to listen to my body

- to trust and stop secondguessing my decisions

- that everything I do is my choice, that I make the decisions and thus have to live with the consequences

- that I have to do what is good for myself

- that being alone is good for my mind

- that being with other people is necessary for my heart

- to be myself no matter what other people think or expect

- that after overcoming a great challenge, it won't be just smooth sailing from there on; there will always be new challenges to face

- to follow my own path and pace

- that I don't need that much food

- that age is not important; it's the mental and emotional growth that really makes a person wiser

- that rest days are important for the body and mind

- that day dreaming is not constructive, but only a distraction from reality

- to trust my instincts

- that I value modesty and a good social ettiquet in people

- to channel my energy towards things I want, not towards things I want to avoid

- to be inspired by people, but not to immitate them

- that I am more alert and energetic in the morning

- that big meals don't help my energy levels

- how important itis to surround myself with people that share similar values as me, but to distance myself from the people that trample all over them

- I am Morning Fire Amazon Ninja

- that everything that happens has a lesson in it; i's not just a bad or good experience

- that change happens all the time, regardless if I rush it or try to delay it; so just enjoy what is happening in the moment

- trust in the way, and it will show itself

Last stretch

Today, Friday, was a day I wanted to give up. I was ready to take the 30 minute taxi ride into Santiago instead of walking the last 30km.

It was raining, it was cold, the wind was blowing and I had no more energy. My heels were killing me, my shoulders were stiff, I was done with the forest and could not appreciate the beauty around me anymore.

But, as in life, one has to go on. I started this journey and I promised myself not to take the bus or taxi and even though I wanted to give up, I couldn't do that on the second to last day.

We were 5km short of our destination, but the 3 of us were wet, cold, tired and hungry. So we decided to stop and find an albergue. When we did, they didn't have the restaurant open, and the next place was 2km up the road.

We walked for another 30 minutes along the dark highway in the rain and wind, but we eventually found it. 

They had a nice fireplace inside. It was really nice and warm and the food was great too.

It was a tough day.

I'm glad I hung in there and made it through that difficult day.

Values

After the wonderful day yesterday morning, and because I had taken my time, darkness caught me 5km away from the nearest albergue or hotel or hostel. I was not equipped to sleep outside, so, the only option I ha was to take the taxi to the next town where I originally intended to go. I felt real bad, but, I was determined to make it right. I did not come to cheat, to cut corners, to not walk. So, in the morning the next day, I took the cab back and walked those 5km, passed the albergue where I stayed and continued on. I'm very glad i did that. I would have felt guilty about it for the rest of the journey.

You have to choose what you value and then stick to it.

Peaceful Moment

I have learned that I can't trust technology. I already wrote 3 beautiful and very detailed and inspired entries, and they all got lost because of one thing or another. So, I am resorting to writing it first on paper, and then writing it here so that if I do lose it again, it's not lost forever. 

Today's walk has been marvelous so far. Compared with yesterday, everything is different. I woke up late, left when it was light, walked alone, walked slowly, stopped to admire the beautiful surroundings, it was not raining, it was not cold, I was not soaked, and the path was pretty easy and mud/water free. 

I found a beautiful edge to sit on as I was walking down between the killer mountains I had climbed yesterday. There was a little river I could hear down below, I saw some deer earlier on, and the birds were singing all around. The Sun was shining and I felt so grateful. 

In those quiet moments, it just strikes me how crazy this is, how amazing this experience is, and how lucky I am to be able to do this. 

Lost posts

I wrote two great posts the other day, and my blogger app managed to loose both of them.

It's really hard to recapture the feeling, flow and essence of an inspired message.

I tried to rewrite the second lost post, but it sounds forced and disconnected...

Such a sad shame.

Thinking

I realised that most of the day is spent in pretty mundane thought. Even though I have a lot of time during the day, I don't do very deep or productive thinking. It's focused mainly on the walking tasks.

Don't step on the snail, slug, bug, caterpillar, ants, worms and centipedes.

Watch out for the big rocks and the puddles.

I need to drink more water.

I need to pee. I don't see a big bush or tree anywhere. Is anyone coming?
I'm hungry. I can wait till the next town and get a sandwich.

How much longer to the next town? Check gps and map. How much have I walked? How much do I still need to walk? What time will I be at the destination? Can I make it all the way or will I have to stop before.

I wonder what (insert name) is doing and how far they got?

I hope I get a bottom bunk tonight.

I hope that snorer is not there tonight.

I hope there will be some great food somewhere.

My feet hurt. My heels hurt. My arms hurt.

I'm tired.