I worry

I worry about my life
I worry about my personality
I worry about people liking me
I worry about thinking about people liking me
I worry that I'm too lazy

I worry that I'm too hairy

I worry because I'm not neat

I worry that I've had it too easy
I worry that I won't get anything done with my life
I worry that my dreams are crap
I worry that my efforts are pointless
I worry about what will happen in a few years
I worry about my health
I worry about being alone
I worry about not having friends
I worry about ending up alone
I worry that I won't find love
I worry about not having my own family
I worry about becoming antisocial
I worry about forgetting myself
I worry about not thinking
I worry about not being open
I worry about not saying what's on my mind
I worry that I'm wasting my life
I worry that I'm insecure
I worry about feeling hopeless
I worry about feeling lost
I worry about so many things
It's tiering to think and do anything to change
Because then I remember all the things I worry about and then
I worry about my life again

i dreamt of my hero

i dreamt of my hero
who asked me to trust him
he was strong and smart
with a knowing smile on his face
he knew me
he admired me
i punched him in the face
i wanted to show i was tough and independent
he was surprised by my reaction
i saw it in his eyes
in that knowing smirk
he asked me to trust him
and rely on him
it was very difficult
i don't trust easily anymore
nor rely on others anymore
but he held my hand
and reassured me he knew the area
and showed me on the map
where i had to go
and we walked hand in hand
i felt good
he knew me

Books I've read 2010

I just looked on my dashboard on this blog, and I realized I have 7 followers. WOW!!!

Do people actually read my blog??

That's amazing.

Well, so I clicked on each persons name and saw this one person had some other blogs they were interested in. I clicked on those.

I got to this really interesting post where the person wrote all the books they've read this year. WOW!!!!

It's nice to keep track of what you've read. I tend to forget after a while.

So, I'm going to, just for this post, write down the books that I've read since January.

Here we go:

Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer:

Book1: Twilight

Book2: New Moon

Book3: Eclipse

Book4: Breaking Dawn

Book5: Midnight Sun

True Blood Sookie Stackhouse Series by Charlaine Harris:

Book1: Dead until Dark

Book2: Living Dead in Dallas

Book3: Club Dead

Book4: Dead to the World

Book5: Dead as a Doornail

Book6: Definitely Dead

Book7: All Together Dead

Book8: From Dead to Worse

Book9: Dead and Gone

Book10: Dead in the Family

Otherworld Series by Kelley Armstrong:

Book1: Bitten

Book2: Stolen

Book3: Dime Store Magic

Book4: Industrial Magic

Book5: Haunted

Book6: Broken

Book7: No Humans Involved

Book8: Personal Demon

Book9: Living with the Dead

Book10: Frostbitten

Book11: Waking the Witch
Book12: Men of the Otherworld (short stories)
Book13: Tales of the Otherworld (short stories)

Love at Stake Series by Kerrelyn Sparks
Book1: How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire

Book2: Vamps in the City

Book3: Sugarplums and Scandal

Book4: Be still my Vampire Heart

Book5: The undead next door

Book6: All I want for Christmas is Vampire

Book7: Secret life of a Vampire

Book8: Forbidden Nights with a Vampire

Book9: The Vampire and the Virgin

Easy way to stop smoking by Allen Carr

The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks

The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins

Bounce

I've bounced back.

When I get back from any vacation I seem to have a few weeks of feeling crappy. Maybe because I'm leaving a wonderful place. Maybe because I'm going back to a place I'd rather not be in. Maybe it's both. Probably it's both.

In any case.

I've bounced back.

I've started working out.

I've gotten back to cleaning my apartment.

Next I've got to get back into cooking.

I just have to learn to get through these emotional and mental ups and downs, and keep going, because things always work out in the end.

Illusions

I think people are attracted to people who are happy, or can easily fake happiness.

How can you fake happiness you ask?

Fake it. People are loud, exaggerate, behave over-the-top.

But faking it doesn't take you far, because people always see through it in the end.

Or, like me, just don't interact with people. Be quiet, retreated, introverted.

I know that's not me. It's just a coping mechanism.

When I'm in a different place (not in Korea), I'm incredibly outgoing and friendly and HAPPY!

Why am I happy there and not here? What about this place makes me unhappy.

I don't think I like being in a place for such a long time. Especially not having people around to hang out with.

It's been over 3.5 years now. And I'll be here another year. Hopefully my last year.

I hope I get out of this head space soon...

Who are you?

I think part of being happy is accepting who you are.

Knowing who you are.

Knowing there are things about yourself that you just can't change.

Know that there are some things you can change.

What is Happiness?

I just realized that I'm not happy.

It's an amazing realization. I always love figuring out why I feel the way I feel.

The times when I'm happy is when I leave Korea and go travel. When I meet people, enjoy the warm sun and eat food that is not Korean.

The rest of the time I cope, I manage. Here, the little things make a difference from day to day.

I think I knew this, but not very consciously.

But now I get it. I don't belong here. I've been here for way too long. This has to be the last year here.

Even if my plans after this year don't work out, I'll have to get out.

I'm too young to be bitter and miserable. Seriously!!

Early next year I'll have finished paying off all my debt and I won't have this burden and responsibility weighing me down. I can afford to take off some time and go somewhere and do something that I truly enjoy.

I think I need a long vacation.

I've done a lot of work on myself here, and I've grown and found out a lot of things.

But, I need to do more and I feel held back here. The usefulness of the situation is gone. I need to be somewhere else so I can keep growing.

People

After being in Thailand, and actually, after repeated traveling and meeting a variety of people with whom I've been able to develop over a pretty short time a really good connection, it's REALLY difficult to interact with people here in my region. I don't share anything with them, I can see right through their fake attitudes and exaggeration and showing off to impress mannerism. There was one person like that on my CELTA course and I just steered clear of her. I didn't feel the need or obligation to interact with her. Why is it here in Korea, in Geojin/Sokcho, that I have to interact and deal with people that I REALLY don't want anything to do with.

I can't stand people who are two faced. AH!

Back in SK

So, I'm back.

The last month seems strangely surreal.

Abby was so cute when I got back. She was all cuddly and affectionate.

I also got Chessea now. It's the cute little Pomeranian.

Abby and Chessea have to learn to like each other. There's some tension, but I think they'll get along in a couple of months.

I haven't unpacked yet. On Monday I went to school and lesson planned. It was great. I got it done so much faster than usual.

Today I taught a few classes. I did it the CELTA way. It was partially great. I think it's difficult to get the students here thinking. They are used to just memorizing, repeating, and multiple choice stuff. It will take a while to get them going, but I think eventually they'll be fine.

I'll post some pictures soon.

I'm mentally done!

I passed 7 out of 8 lessons. I've got one more lesson on Wednesday and I'm sure I'll pass that one as well.

I passed 3 out of 4 assignments. I've just submitted #4 and I expect to fail that one.

I done!

I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired, exhausted, moody, tired...

I'm done trying. I just want to be done now and relax.

I'm glad its the last week, with only a few more days to go.

It's been a great GREAT learning experience. I've gained a lot from this course and I would recommend it to anyone interested in teaching English.

But for now, I'm done!

Update

1st assignment - PASSED

2nd assignment - SUBMITTED, waiting for it to be returned

1st lesson at the intermediate level finished. It went great :)

2 more assignments to go, 3 more lessons to go... WHOA!!!

I'm almost halfway through the 3rd week.

Time is going quickly, but it feels like I've been here a LONG time!!

Thank you for the dance

Thank you Ryan, my English friend from Japan!

I'll come visit you soon!!

After finishing the first 2 weeks of CELTA, this was an absolute treat.

1 dance floor

1 DJ

1 dancer --> ME

He got it right in the end and I danced like mad for almost 2 hours!!

That was a worthy evening!!

I hope we do it again soon!!

YAAAAAAAY!!!

The 2nd week is done!!

I just had my 60 minute lesson and it went GREAT!!

There were just a couple of things that I did wrong, but overall I did fantastic!

I was really nervous at the start of the lesson, but as soon as I started talking, I was OK!!

I was right on time with everything and it flowed really well.

The students understood the material and were able to produce something using the taught language and concepts!!

SO EXCITED!!

And glad that I'm done with that.

Next week we'll be switching from the elementary level to the intermediate. That'll be very different and we'll have a lot more control over our lessons.

No more guidance.

More great challenges to come :).

Second week

Whoa!!!

I just finished my 3rd class. I messed up the middle!!!

My introduction was great, the questions were good, the pictures worked great...

and then comes the grammar!!!

BAM!!!!!

what??

I mumbled and fumbled...

terrible.

BUT

as soon as I went into the pair work and speaking activity it was great!

This was my first time teaching a tense and even though it was something pretty easy: present simple, I messed it up.

Not completely I guess, just the procedure. They did get it, and they were able to tell me the proper way of saying things which was great.

But still. I was pretty mad at myself for messing it up.

So, first assignment is done. It took a long time!! It was difficult. I'll probably get it back and have to do it again. But I learned a lot. Grammar is terrible. And very difficult to teach. But I managed, and they got it, not very gracefully, but it was just the first time. And they had fun too. :)

So, today I'm not doing any more work. Tomorrow I'm thinking of going to get a haircut in the morning if I wake up early enough.

So yes, there you go :).

First Week

The first week is done!

I taught 2 classes, and they both went really well.

I did really great on the first one, and I did even better on the 2nd one.

I've learned so much and I've actually incorporated all that, plus my own abilities and previous knowledge into my lessons.

I'm so proud of myself!!!

Someone mentioned something today that really made me thing...

I'm learning to be a better teacher in a language that is not my first nor second, but third language!! That's phenomenal!!!

I've met some really good people here too.

Sarah, Ryan, Mike, Kristin, Michael, Landon, Cat, George, Surat, Branwin.

It's past midnight right now and I've retreated back to my room... I've had a bit too many wine coolers and I feel all peopled out.

As a last note: I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF!!

First Day

So... first day is done!

I haven't sat in one spot for this long for quite a while. I can understand my students now... how restless they must get.

I woke up at 8am. Had a shower.

8:30 we had breakfast. Fruit bowl with watermelon and dragon fruit with some yogurt on top, banana pancakes and a fried egg on the side. It's not as much as it sounds because they were really small portions. It was just perfect actually.

Then I went back to my room and read on my awesome Kindle for a while.

At 10:30 we had a one time introduction meeting where we were told when we'd be teaching and some other useful information.

Lunch was from 1pm to 2pm. We had a really nice Pad Thai dish.

Then we were split into 2 groups :(. I'm a bit sad about that because I was really curious to observe some peoples classes that now are in the other group and I won't get to watch them teach.

At 6pm, the Thai students came. It was very exciting, for me anyways. I think some of the teachers were a bit nervous.

We observed our instructor teach. It was AMAZING!! The level of teaching and interaction and style was not even comparable to anything you would be doing in Korea. Not even close!!

Around 7:30pm we got a chance to talk to the students 2 at a time. WOW! Such nice and enthusiastic and interesting people. I talked to these two girls, one name Care and the other Ning. Super cute. We hit it off right away. We were supposed to ask each other questions but it was such a nice connection that we just hit it off and started talking. Their comprehension was outstanding!!! Anyways, they asked for my name, I asked for their names. After a while of laughing and chitchatting, they asked me if I have a Thai name. After they explained to me what they were trying to say, they gave me a Thain name. It was soooo cute!!

So, my Thai name is Malai, which means Jasmine flower in Thai.

I think this is going to be an amazing teaching experience!

We finished at 8pm, after which we all rushed to go have dinner.

I was talking to this one lady, Sarah, and we had decided to go for an 1 hour walk each morning. Considering we'd been sitting all day, we decided to go for a walk in the evening as well, but only for today.

It was beautiful. I was glad to spray myself from head to toe with mosquito repellent though. I could feel them flying around all over the place.

So, now it's 10pm, I need to go take a cold shower, and go finish one of the assignments.

My first teaching practice will be on Wednesday and I'll be doing grammar.

WISH ME LUCK!!

New people

So, everyone arrived today.

There are some interesting people...

A few of them are actually teaching in Korea as well. What a small world.

From what they are saying, it sounds like they are having a better experience with their life in Korea, mind you, it might be just their way of impressing people or making their own situation sound good. Who knows.

I also know that I'm not there for the teaching anymore, while all these people, considering that we are all at a CELTA course to improve our teaching abilities, are still interested in teaching.

It's funny to listen to some of them talk. Talk too much. I'm not saying much. I just want to observe for a while.

Tomorrow the course starts. We got our binders with the outline and assignments.

We also went to TESCO. Mainly to get supplies, but I had no idea what to get. I have a notebook, and a pen. What else would I need?

I did buy 3 cans of mosquito spray. They are insane here. Doesn't help that we are right beside a lake either. So I've got to make sure to lather up.

I think maybe in 2 weeks I'll do another shopping trip, to buy some other things that I didn't decide I needed this time.

My room is nice. I've got air conditioner. It's sooooo nice to sleep in a cool room. I wonder how Abby is coping with the Korean heat.

Early

It's only 2:40pm here. It feels more like 6pm.

I'm tired but if I go to bed now I won't wake up any time soon, and then I won't be able to sleep tonight.

I don't have enough mosquito spray with me. I think I'll be OK though. I think tomorrow, when everyone arrives, we'll go into town together and buy supplies and other things we need.

I was having dinner and I got bit 3 times on my elbow. And that was just in the span of 10 minutes.

I feel odd here. I don't know what to expect. I have no expectations actually.

I feel like a fake. I'm not really a teacher, I just do it because it's a good job.

I hope I learn how to be a better teacher here. I hope they can tell me what I do wrong and how to fix it.

I hope I'll have more energy tomorrow.

I had a bee in my room. I was incredibly brave. I didn't kill it, but I slowly opened the window and shooed it out. Whoa!! I don't think I want to open the window for a while now.

Well, I think I'm going to go lay down and read a bit, maybe have a nap.

Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I want to write more. I feel I've been neglecting this blog. I need to write more, so here I am :). Writing more.

I hope my sis is having a good time in Seoul, and that she's managing OK without getting lost or frustrated.

Arrived

I finally arrived.

It's beautiful here.

The property of this place is huge, complete with a lake in the middle filled with gigantic catfish.

I'm the first one to arrive. Everyone is supposed to arrive tomorrow. It's not a problem though. They set up my room in very little time, and I was amazed by it's size. I've got a KING sized bed. A shower, air conditioner, fan, desk, big mirror, big closet. I even have a small fridge and a TV. I'm not planning to watch any TV, but it's just nice to see one there.

There is wireless, which is nice. The plug to my computer works perfectly with these plugs here :).

I'm a bit overwhelmed. I want to walk around, but I also want to just lay down and pass out, and I also want to find a nice place and continue reading.

I was in the airport all night and between freezing and not being too comfortable with the seats, I managed to finish an entire book. I already started the next one :).

My English is not what it used to be so I want to read read READ!!!

Well, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

Still waiting

I managed to find an empty bench to stretch out and sleep for a few hours.

The airports are all so cold... why???

A few more hours and I can fly out to Chiang Mai :).

Then sleeeeeeeeep!!

And maybe a foot massagee.

Taipei

So, I'm in Taipei.

On my laptop again! SO COOL!!

It's freezing. Why is it always so cold? It's the middle of an immensely hot summer and I'm wishing I had a big fuzzy sweater to snuggle into!

That's just not right!

So, a couple more hours and I'll be in Bangkok.

I'll get there at 22:40, and the next day at 8:05 is my flight to Chiang Mai. I'd probably could have taken a night bus or something, but it would have been less comfortable and probably very cold as well. They like to blast the air conditioners everywhere.

So, the flight will only take 1 hour, and it was less than 100,000won.

Aight, back on the plane we go :).

Airport

I'm in the airport waiting to fly to Thailand.

I still have about 1 hour to wait until boarding time.

This is the first time I've brought my laptop with me outside of my home. It's quite amazing. This is what it's actually intended for, not to just sit on my desk at home.

I've got free wireless, although I could do the same with my new Kindle :). That little machine is amazing as well.

I'm feeling pretty sad though. My sister and we went our separate ways today at 12:30. She went to take a bus tour of Downtown Seoul. I had to go take the subway to the bus terminal to go to the airport. Very anticlimactic. I didn't cry there. I didn't really have time. I could feel the tears coming. Thankfully the bus came she had to go and get on. But from noon until now, 4:17pm, I've felt tears trying to come through.

It was so nice to have her here. I miss that kind of caring and love and attention and sharing and closeness.

Well, Skype is always there and we can always talk.

It was just so nice to have her there, even though it was for a very short time.

Love you sis.

Sujata and Sandra last visit

This was in June, before my vacation. I went down to Gwangju, which is about 6 hours by bus from my town. I took the bus. It was a loooooooong ride. It was worth it though. I got to spend a wonderful weekend with two amazing ladies. Sujata from the States, and Sandra from Tasmania.
We had lots of wine, had a wonderful picnic, went to a local foreigner bar and met some other cool people there. And then we said goodbye.
Who knows if we’ll see each other again.

Here are some of the wonderful pictures of the wonderful memories :)

It was a very short weekend, but so worth it!

What I want

After I come back to Canada and finish teachers college, I want to take 1 or 2 years and:

- learn quilting

- learn glass blowing

- learn bushcraft

- work on a horse ranch

- plant trees

- learn to cook real well

- help build a building

- pose for a nude painting at a studio

- learn to chop wood

- learn to make a fire

- visit my friends in Germany, England, US, Australia

- make my own fishing rod and go on a fishing trip

- learn about edible mushrooms and other plants

- find a man who can be part of this

Western Food

It's the end of the month again.

As usual, I'm down to no money.

This month I'm also down to no food. No fresh food that is.

It's been some time since I was able to just buy something that I really wanted to eat. Something healthy, something delicious, something that reminded me of home, something western.

It's the end of the month again.

On Friday I'm getting paid, and I have to decide how much money I will invest on food for this month.

I have to decide how many wester/expensive things I will indulge in this month.

Will I buy some cheese? Some sour cream? Some dill pickles?

What I would really like is some pudding. Some delicious vanilla pudding. And some salami. Oh...

I would like to make healthy food a priority.

I would like not to feel sad when I look in my fridge.

I would like not to feel homesick when I think about good food.

But...

All of this is my choice.

For now, I can just close my eyes and fantasize about walking into a big grocery store in Canada with a big shopping cart, $100 in my pocket and an appetite. Walking up and down the isles, looking at all the variety of awesome things, the yogurt, the meat, the cheese, the fresh produce, the snacks, the junk on the impulse racks. The colourful boxes and packages. The sale price tags. The samples in the bakery area. The people with super full carts. The people picking through the produce for the best and least bruised. The misters spraying the veggies to stay fresh.

All those wonderful things that I used to take for granted.

I can just dream for now :).

Giggles

So, the giggles continue.

Today the TV/Internet/Phone people came again and finally set up the service. They couldn't do it on Thursday because the infrastructure was not there. This is a new building and so there were no cable poles or anything. But today it got all done!!

WOW!!!

I've got incredibly fast internet. They also gave me a wireless router just in case I wanted to sit 1 meter away at the end of my apartment... hahahaha! But now I can talk on skype and show you all a my whole apartment, and the outside of my apartment too if you'd like :).

Also, got my snazzy telephone. WOW! It's pretty much like a cellphone, except that it's got a base to sit on, it's a 070 number (landline) and it's much cheaper than a cell phone.

Also, my TV package... very very nice.

I've got a load of English channels. Movies, News, Music, Sports... I even have TV5. How crazy is that???

They really did a good job with this.

So, now I'm moved in.

Still got a bunch of boxes to unpack. The kitchen is a disaster. I just don't have enough counter space... and I don't have a utensils drawer either... hm... what was that about??

So, I have to figure it out.

But it's nice to organize everything, get a feel for this place. And it's perfect. Perfect size. The one from before was just way to big for 1 person. This one is perfect.

Oh, and you should see the balcony and how I've organized my plants. It's really nice :).

I'll post pictures soon.

And Abby? Well, she was pretty freaked out at the beginning, but she'd going better now.

She managed somehow to open the closet door and go in there. I really have no idea how she managed to do that. She might have a closet fetish... HAHAHA!

The other amazing thing about this apartment... right in front of it there are 3 rice fields. So, now that it's warm and growing season, they are all flooded with water. And because there's so much water, guess what's in the water?

FROGS!!! Lots and LOTS of frogs. At night, when it starts getting dark, you can hear hundreds and hundreds of frogs croaking. It's like having one of those mood soundtracks of rain or jungle or river sounds. Well, I've got frog sounds.

And, in the morning is another thing. I got birds. They are sooooooo loud, they wake me up in the morning. It's pretty nice though, I can't oversleep that way :).

I'm really happy with the way this whole thing turned out. It took some time to come to terms with the size difference and the way we were told (not told) about moving and the fact that we had no choice about anything.

But, this really is much better.

I drove by my old place yesterday. WHOA! What a dump. Just looking from the outside you can see how old and dilapidated it is.

Out with the old, in with the new :).

Yay for clean new spaces :).

Changes, BIG CHANGES

So, after almost 2 years in this wonderful apartment, it's finally time to move (tomorrow).

The district of education for my province has allocated money to have new housing built for the foreigners in their respective areas.

At the beginning, when I saw the size of the new apartments I was very VERY angry.

The new apartments are the size of my current living room, so a pretty big size difference.

Over the past couple of months, I've gone and visited the new apartment almost every day.

I've watched the progression of the building, the beautification of those apartments, and I must say, now I'm very VERY excited to be moving.

After a very stressful week, everything is finally coming together.

Most importantly, I'm getting the apartment I want.

At first glance, all 4 apartments look the same, but if you look closely, there are subtle differences. Considering the fact that I'll be here for another 2 years, I really wanted to make sure I choose the perfect apartment.

The deciding factor was avoidance of the cold. That was what I had in mind the whole time when looking at those slightly different layouts. I didn't choose an apartment on the side of the building, because that would mean a whole wall was to the outside, hence colder in the winter. Also, I made sure to get the apartment that allowed for my bed and computer desk to be put away from the balcony door, which would make it colder in the winter.

So, I got the apartment I wanted after much debate and negotiation.

Then, I found out that the school would pay for the movers, and on top of that, the way movers work here normally is not just moving boxes and furniture like they'd do back in Canada. Oh no no. They even package everything up for you and unpack it back at the new place. So, I don't even have to pack and unpack myself. I can just stand around and tell them what to do. What a wonderful thing don't you think?? :)

Naturally I did pack some of the things. I just didn't want to seem messy and disorganized. But I left the kitchen, closets and plants to them. They can deal with all of that :).

Also, since I'm leaving this place, I have to also move my internet, cable phone and cable TV. I wasn't happy with any of them though; the service has been pretty unreliable.

I asked my co-teacher if I can upgrade at all. She said no problem. Tomorrow a representative will come to your office and present to you all the different packages and options. I was very impressed.

Today, a lady from QOOK came, which is the rival company to the one I'm currently with: YBS.

She showed me everything and I was even more impressed.

I'll have the fastest internet for 1 dollar less than what I'm paying now, I'll get 71 TV channels with 4 English news and entertainment channels for 2 dollars less, and I'll get a cordless brand new phone for 3 dollars less. I was blown away. Exactly what I wanted and then some.

And then she went on with the details. I'd have to sign a 3 year contract to get this awesome deal and amazing monthly rate. I told them I'd be in the country for only 2 years. She said I'd have to pay a penalty for cancelling my contract 1 year early. I didn't really mind though. But get this, she said: Oh, but you will be leaving the country then right? Me: Yes. Her: Oh, then you don't have to pay any penalty charges. Me: OOOOOOOH REALLY??? NIIIIIIICE!!!

And here's more...

She then said... Oh, and because you are signing a 3 year contract, for the first year you'll get 10% off your bill.

SERIOUSLY????

Oh, and also, because you are signing a 3 year contract, we'll give you a cash advance bonus, so here's 220 bucks for you :).

ENJOY!!!!

I was giggling like a little girl after that. I couldn't contain myself :).

How can I refuse a deal like that?

So, tomorrow they'll come and get it all connected, no connection fee NATURALLY :).

What a wonderful day.

I feel alive and energized.

I need a change, I need a change so badly. And this is perfect. I was worried I was making the wrong choice by staying in the same place, but it turns out to be a very good thing.

I'm seeing a big improvement in my students, my confidence, my teaching method, my discipline and control over the classroom, my interaction with my co-teachers and other staff...

A peace of mind has come over me knowing that I'm doing the right thing, working to improve myself and achieve my goals and dreams in a positive and productive manner :).

Multitasking + Motivation + Warmth = Happy Dana

I'm not good at doing just one thing at one time. I always get distracted and 2 minutes later I'm doing something totally different.

This weekend has been pretty productive. It's been filled with spurts of intense activity, followed by hours of doing nothing. It's all good though, I've achieved what I wanted, and a bit more :).

So, I cooked food and froze it away in portions for next week.

I went through my winter clothes, threw out a whole bunch of them since I haven't worn them often enough, and the rest I packed away in one of my large suitcases.

I suppose this is how it'll feel when I finally leave here. Packing my things in various suitcases, deciding what to keep and what to throw away... It's so exciting.

Finally cleaned up my balcony. It was a mess since last years garden. All the plant pots didn't have a bottom lid to catch the water run-off so the floor was dirty with water, earth and leaves. On top of that leftover stuff, there were 2 bags of earth, a bunch of pots, support sticks, seed packs, fertilizer packs, and a whole bunch of other junk for which I couldn't find any other place.

Well, I finally cleaned up all that crap, and replanted my whole garden, decided not to get any seedlings this year, and got bottom lids for all the pots. So no more messy floors :).

This year, I've planted:

Sage, Gourmet lettuce, Triangle lettuce (some Korean lettuce that I don't know the name of, but its leaves look like triangles), Green onions, Chives, Crispy lettuce (another Korean lettuce that I don't know the name of), Basil, Long lettuce (Korean lettuce), Field salad, Spinach, Sweet corn (which I'll later move outside somewhere), Tiny tomatoes, Cat grass (for Abby), Radishes and Catnip (also for sweet Abby).

Here's the picture. Doesn't it just look so lovely :)

Besides all of this, I prepared all lessons for next weeks classes.

Now I have to go do a load of laundry, wash the few dishes that are in my clean kitchen, take out the recycling, and start on the summer clothing. I'm planning to reduce the amount of clothes I have by half. Not because I don't like them, but because I have waaaaaaaaaaaay too many.

I'm also not eating after 7pm anymore!!!!

Yay for applying my determination for my financial stability to the rest of my life.

No one else can do it for us but ourselves!!!

Reminder

I think being honest to yourself is the most difficult thing you can do.

It's painful and most of the time avoidable.

But in the end, it is needed. It helps you to grow, to learn and to lead a better life.

***

I have made another budget for myself. My last one got lost when my little memory stick broke. Well, this one is really good, and it makes me feel better about my situation when I look at the value of my Debt decreasing and then the value of my Savings increasing. It's nice to have a reminder to look at, something concrete to look forward to and to see why you are fighting and sacrificing.

It's good to remember.

Courage

It's hard to see the purpose of my life at the moment. I know what I'm doing is going to be worth it in the end, but right now it all feels so pointless and bleak.

Everything has become boring and incredibly uninteresting.

It's difficult to find motivation to do anything.

It's difficult to get excited about anything.

There's no connection with people of interest. There are no people around, with whom I would care to really open up to and be real with.

Everything feels fake and shallow.

I'm listening to this song sung by a 7 year old girl. I'm not religious at all, but this song... Amazing Grace, the way she's singing it, it's really moving.

I find there have been very few people in my life I've been able to be truthful with, and really say what's on my mind openly, without the constant worry of being judged or thought of something I'm not. I try so hard to smooth things over that a lot of my opinions and desires are never expressed. That's pretty messed up.

I was watching this British TV show called "Shameless". It's a bunch of people in a dysfunctional family trying to live their life. I'm not saying it's real, or that people are like that, but I do envy their ability to just say what's on their mind. To speak up if they think something is not right, to yell if need be, to argue if things don't change. To do all that even if it hurts others.

Things have gotten so stale in my life. I need to do more things to challenge myself and break this monotonous existence.

All is needed for all is a bit of courage.

Thanks dad

Thank you for the good conversation we had yesterday.

Even though I know what I want out of my life and sort of have an idea of the direction and the how-to, but it's easy to forget, feel lost and lonely on this road. It's good to remember why I'm doing what I'm doing. It's good to look at the big picture and not stress the little things.

It makes it easier to enjoy the day to day things and it also makes it easier not to take things personal when they don't work out, because I know what I want and where I want to get in the end.

It gives me peace of mind.

Thank you for reminding me :)

Career

How do people choose a career?

I'm sure for some it just seems normal and natural to pick something that interests you and that you think you are good at.

It's normal, you go to school, study for something, go look for jobs, and what you find, you just go and work and try to move up and get more money and more benefits.

But that's not normal.

It's not normal for me.

I don't really care about a job, or a career. I do know I need to make money to sustain the lifestyle I want, but I don't really care what I do as long as I don't have to exhaust myself and put all my energy into it and then have none left to actually enjoy my life.

I don't think working everyday for the rest of my life is a successful life.

I don't think working everyday for the rest of my life is a good life.

I don't think working everyday for the rest of my life will leave me feeling fulfilled and feeling like I've accomplished something with my life.

I won't feel proud of myself, and confident and learn about myself because all I'd be doing is something irrelevant.

So, how do you choose what to do when you don't really care about what to do?

A job for me is a means to an end. It's for the money.

I know I have to do it, and luckily I've learned what will make me happy and the kind of life I want for myself.

Working isn't it, so I've got to prepare myself for the time when I won't be working.

I'm almost ready to start preparing :).

Milk

And I love milk too :)

Onions

I love onions.

Green onions, red onions, white onions, big onions, little onions...

I love onions.

I wish I could eat onions like they were apples but onions are too spicy.

You have to eat an onion with something else, and if you are full... well, you won't feel too good after eating something extra.

But I want to eat onions.

Onions are so crispy and juicy...

I LOVE ONIONS!!

January Thailand trip latest pictures

So, these are the last pictures from my trip to Thailand in January when I went to a Muay Thai boxing camp. These pictures were on my computer for wow, almost a whole year. Well finally, I got around to putting them on :). These pictures all in random order, but they all have captions so you’ll know what they are. Enjoy :).

Curious puppies on my walk around the neighbourhood after I came back from sunny and HOT Thailand.

One of the owners kids who was there when he was not in school. He was super cute.
 

This was the drive through the jungle to go to the main town if the sea was too rough to take the boat.

It was really steep and had many difficult areas that were severely affected by rain.
 

Loving the ride from the back of the truck :).
 

Love those palms everywhere!!!!
 

And there were lots of banana trees as well! Soooo nice!! :)

The sun was perfect on that day! It was incredible.

This was my new bungalow. I upgraded from my basic rickety bungalow to this nice one that was overlooking the whole property. It had a nice bathroom, huge comfy bed and a nice hammock outside to relax in :).

Ma drinking some glucose before his fight to get that extra boost of energy.

He got oiled up and bandaged up ready to fight.

I had some pretty big spiders in my bathroom. I had to look out for them every time I went in there. Didn’t want one of them to jump out from somewhere… grrrr!

Snorkeling isn’t as easy in wavy waters as it is in a pool. I had my camera in a waterproof bag and I was having fun taking pictures of myself :).

The taxi boat that we used all the time going from our beach to the main beach. The guy was so happy.
 

This kid was really young. It wasn’t his first fight though. Thai fighters start fighting very young. I think at age 7. I saw one of those fights and I think it was just wrong. This kid must have been about 11 or 12 years old.
 

New friends met on the 2nd last day I was there.

Love taking water pictures. Never done before :)
  

At the camp restaurant with the sweetest dog EVER! This was just before I left and I was saying goodbye to her. I think she knew I was leaving… :(

Doesn’t this look amazing? I think it was a kiwi ice drink.
It wasn’t as tasty as it looked, but very refreshing on a hot day :).

On the boat after leaving the island. It was very peaceful and hot.

This was on the night sleeper train going back to Bangkok. It was pretty comfortable.

They do a ritual dance before the fight to thank their elders and get ready in case they die. They don’t fight so hard nowadays, but they used to have fatalities a long time ago. The tradition is still there.
 

And here we have some pictures from the full moon party.

Fire rope jumping. Those were either some crazy daring people or they were really drunk and didn’t mind getting their leg hairs singed.

We got a bucket. That was a crazy bucket… It had, 1 bottle of Coke, 1 bottle of Thai Vodka, 1 beer, and 6 Red Bulls. I can’t believe we drank all that. And it was sooooooo cheap too.

Body art with glow in the dark paint. Yummy :).

They tried to paint a sun on my face. It didn’t look as good as the happy smile.

The boys, Will and Gwill. They took over the bucket. I was done…

An occasionally scary walk between beaches and to reach different restaurants. Very beautiful though.

Last day in the morning after breakfast, before the farewells and boat trip back to the mainland.

Random cool sign on one of the walking trails.

The gym where we worked out twice a day… what a good workout!

The punching bags were in the back of the ring. You were moving a lot not only to get a good workout in, but to also avoid being eaten by the mosquitoes.  

The trainers. From left: Phu, Ma, Neng, … hm, I don’t remember his name.

Restaurant called “Bamboo Hut” on the way to another beach. There were many Cambodians working there. They had awesome food and a very chilled out atmosphere.  

My bungalow was the one on the far left. You can see my blue training shorts drying out on the line in front of it :). I had a pretty nice view of the whole place.

Haad Tien. This was the beach where Horizon Boxing Camp was at. What a beautiful place… Paradise!

He wasn’t much of a guard dog. He kept getting outnumbered by the neighbouring dogs and he always ran back to me whimpering to come and help him out. He ended up sleeping on my porch towards the end of the trip so that he wouldn’t be attacked at night. Poor dog…

AWWWWWWWWWWWW! I wanted to take her home with me!! What a preeeeeeeeety and sweeeeeeeeet dog she was!!!

This was the taxi boat going back and forth from our beach to the main beach about 15 minutes South and West.

Termites roaming around Horizon camp. There were so many. You had to watch your feet walking around at night.

Papaya tree in the back yard. How awesome!

Rainy season was starting. That was some serious rain.

Great ladies having drinks and relaxing at “The Sanctuary”.

Amazing salad when something fresher and healthier was on your mind.

Night and day at Horizon Boxing Camp :).

Taking a break from training, walking, eating, sleeping, watching TV, swimming, talking…

A night at Eden. WOW! The lights were really trippy.
The owner was a really cool guy. A few too many substances, but very friendly.

Early in the morning after a night of partying… WOW!

The camp from the boat.

Morning party shift at “Guy Bar'”. People were partying all night long. Some would go there in the evening and party till the morning, then go home. Others would sleep at night and come out early in the morning and party till noon. Great music!

British Gwill.
He was a funny guy. Good at gambling.

This bird was just here at the camp one day. He had a sick eye, but he was pretty friendly.
 

More pretty palm trees. I want one in my house, or garden, or somewhere to always remind me of sunny and warm beaches.

Playing with fire is not always dangerous. It’s pretty too :).
 

Psychedelic paintings and lighting at “Eden”. An awesome pre-party hangout where you can all sorts of fun :).

German Alex. Very cool guy!

Clive on and Neng. Neng was one of the trainers there. He was such a cool and patient person. Solid like a rock!

The Sanctuary and the beach next to it. They had a place with computers to check your mail, and also a small shop to buy some basic necessities.

This place was downstairs from the boxing camp. It’s called “The Sanctuary”. A very hippy place for detoxing and doing yoga. Very cool people :).